I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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