i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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