best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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