I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think my vagina is haunted
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You've changed since you got that strap on
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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