i just wanna soil my oats bro
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
