i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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