what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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