Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
