I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
