i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
