Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
