omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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