he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
