I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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