I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize