I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
