I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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