We're facebook friends in real life
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
