ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
