The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
