I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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