do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
