if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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