So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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