first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She bit a glass in half.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
