I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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