my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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