I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
