But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
