I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize