I met the friendliest cop last night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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