the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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