I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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