I think i sorta joined a cult last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
