remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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