Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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