I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
