I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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