talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
