Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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