If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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