She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think i got beer on your cat.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
