I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
