You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
