I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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