You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
