the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
