Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize