Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
