Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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