Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
