I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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