Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
