Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think I am morally bankrupt
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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