some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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