dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
