So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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