Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
