I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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