Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
