I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
