i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize