Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
3pm strippers are depressing
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
