Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
