I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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