saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
