Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
