I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
