I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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